for my husband

Every day that goes by is a day that we're closer to goodbye. You would think after all these years I would get use to being apart but how do you get use to being without the person you love the most. My heart breaks every time I think about missing him. I want him to be there to hold my hand during car rides. I want to feel his warmth when I'm falling asleep at night. I want him there to make me laugh when I'm having a bad day. I want to hear the laughter from the girls because daddy is chasing them. I want his voice to be the last thing I hear every day. I want his reassurance when I feel like I'm not doing anything right. I want him to kiss me, hug me, and tell me he loves me when I'm crying because I miss him so much. I know he second guesses himself all the time but he's my match in every way. He's the ying to my yang. He's the perfect father to our girls. He's my husband in every sense of the word. I'm so lucky, blessed, and happy to have him in my life. So in 6 days I will kiss, hug, and touch him for the last time in 4 months. When I reach for his hand, crawl into bed, hear the girls laugh, or sit alone, I will think of him.

I love you... those are the best words to describe how I feel about him. I look forward to the day I see his jet land, him walk off the plane, and I'm running into his arms. Until then, his letters, voice, and pictures will be enough.

seriously

Well yesterday was very interesting. The girls were in the car, Chris was getting some last minute things in the house, I was crossing in front of the car in the garage to get in (usually I go behind). I went to move Chris' golf clubs out of the way and I guess I clipped an old rim that we had and it fell on my right foot. I didn't know what fell until I looked down to pick it up. When I did I was instantly pouring blood. We were suppose to be heading to Memphis, instead we rushed to the hospital. After a couple hours of x-rays and inspections of my wound. They told me I broke my foot, needed stitches, and a tetanus shot. The only thing I could think about is how am I suppose to Kaylee to swimming lessons, how is Ava going to get to physical therapy, how can I cook, carry a laundry basket, give the girls a bath, grocery shop, run errands, and drive after Chris leaves for Iraq. I was sobbing when I hurt my foot because of the pain. But once the doctor told me I couldn't drive I started to cry because I was so concerned about how I would manage doing the necessities. Its hard enough for me to use the crutches to go to the bathroom. Well I will find out this week after I see the orthopedic surgeon on whether or not I'll need surgery because the bone is slightly misaligned. And now I'm going to wrap my leg in a plastic bag so I could take a shower. Luckily we have a built in seat in our shower. Haha

story of my life

Busy is an understatement. I was under the impression that once Kaylee was out of school we would spend our days by the pool, riding bikes, having picnics, and just enjoying some quality time at home. I'm laughing hysterically at myself to think that was possible. We've spent every weekend in Memphis so far. The girls and I also stayed in Memphis last week to prepare for Kaylee's birthday party. She had an amazing time and after months of begging for a Nintendo DS, we got it for her. She also made a request to sit in a booster seat because she's 5 and a real big girl. After holding her back this long we gave in and got her a booster seat. The craziest part is Kaylee got a Coach purse from my parents. SERIOUSLY! I told them they are crazy, crazy I say! We just got back to Little Rock Sunday night. We are now back in Memphis to have dinner with Chris' family because his younger brother is leaving Thursday for the Navy. Then we go back after dinner. This weekend is my friend's birthday party in Memphis. Next week Thursday I have to come back for a New Kids on the Block concert. Haha you read it right. I feel like a kid again. Then we're going to the family cabin for the 4th of July weekend. Then the weekend after that we're in Memphis for my best friend Kellie's birthday. Then the weekend after that Chris and I are going to St. Louis for a Cardinals game, Six Flags, and Cheesecake Factory. Haha. Then Chris will be busy prepping for deployment. I have to register for my classes this fall. And at some point during this process we have to squeeze in some quality time with the girls, Chris, and I before he deploys. I'm a busy woman. If you want some time with me then call ahead and I'll pencil you in. Be forwarned, I'm booked months in advance. Haha.

kaylee lara whitten

The school year is ending. Kaylee had her Pre-K graduation and it was the cutest thing I have ever seen. She wore the cap and gown, sang songs, and received a diploma. She has changed so much this past school year. She can count to 100, write her numbers, read, and she draws every day. It has been hard to be without her all day. I couldn't wait for the last day of school. But as the day approaches and all her things from school are being sent home, I'm feeling really sad. My guess is because it's the end of something so precious. Its hard to imagine I will only get to spend every moment with her for the next 2 months and she's off to school again. She's grown so much and I feel like I've missed a good part of that because of her growth during school. I'm not teaching her to say mama, holding her hands while she learns to walk, showing her colors... now I'm sitting back as she comes home and tells me all the new things I had no idea she knew. This wednesday is her last day. It's also June. She will turn 5 on the 20th. Five years have gone by and it feels like yesterday we were bringing her home for the first time. Kaylee is so smart, sweet, intuitive, eager to learn, caring, kind-hearted, and loving. She is soft spoken with a tender heart. It's so easy to shower her with affection. She's my baby, my first baby. I always thought 5 years was so far away, kindergarten is no where near the future. And now here we are... time flies and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

(I went into the hospital for high blood pressure. My water broke while I was there. She was 2 weeks early so we weren't prepared. Our camera was at home. So her first picture was in her car seat right when we arrived home.)

Father's Day - June 20, 2004 - 10:47am - 5lbs 14oz - 19in.

kenny chesney, vegas, newlyweds, and weddings

The highlight of my year, maybe my life (besides my husband and children) was seeing Kenny Chesney in concert. We tried to see him in concert almost 5 years ago in Spokane, Washington. But I was admitted into the hospital that very night and gave birth to Kaylee the next day. I've been a KC fan longer than I can remember. Five years go by and he hasn't once came to a town we were living in. Finally, my patience has paid off. Chris, Brian, Trisha, and I got tickets in the 15th row and they were awesome seats. But when I got up to get a beer during the opening acts a guy approached me and offered us tickets to the sandbar. Which is the area at the stage. I was literally right against the stage and looking up at him. It was the best concert I've been to so far and I doubt anything will top it. Lady Antebellum and Miranda Lambert were awesome as well.

Vegas... Chris is a lucky guy. He left this morning at 3am for Vegas. Its for work so thats the downside but he gets to go to vegas, sleep, eat, and play for free. I wish I could have gone with him. Neither of us have been so it would have been nice to experience it together. But I know he's in it to gamble and I am in it to watch shows and shop. Oh and eat the buffets. He does travel a lot and its getting harder to do since I know that time is minimal before he leaves in August. Its fairly easy to drop him off to work for his short TDY's but for some reason this time was hard. I cried when he left but I didn't let him see. I know he has a hard time leaving us so I didn't want to worry him.

So newlyweds... this story is a trip. I was watching Grey's Anatomy season finale and saw a preview for a show called Here Come The Newlyweds. To my surprise my cousin and her husband are on the show. It totally tripped me out because I've heard nothing of it. Her parents are coming to visit for Memorial Day Weekend and I called my dad to tell him about the show. He laughed and said he knew a long time ago. I guess while they were filming. I scoffed and said he should have told me because I would have hassled her earlier to see if they won. Haha.

Wedding and love is in the air and I am loving it. Dave and Tina are getting married this weekend. My cousin Katherine is getting married in November and I'm lucky to be a bridesmaid. I just wish I was closer to her so I could help her with anything she needed. But even more awesome, my best friend Christina just got engaged. They have been together for almost 10 years and it will be quite a change to call them husband and wife. I am so happy for her!

date night, girls night, pot holes, and fever

We spent last weekend in Memphis. Surprise surprise. Chris and I ended up having a date night on Friday which isn't typical but well needed. I love spending time with our friends and rarely pass on an opportunity to be with them but it is nice to be alone with my husband every now and again. Especially with August around the corner, we need more nights alone. Hopefully we'll be heading to St. Louis soon for a Cardinals game and a weekend away.

Saturday night was spent with some great girls. I went to Tina's bridal shower. I can't express how excited that her and Dave are getting married. I've been friends with David for more than a decade and its so nice to see him with such a great girl. I'm a sucker for weddings and love them. Even better, I'm not a bridesmaid or the bride. So I get to be stress free and watch two people say their vows then have myself a drink at the reception. Haha. Well after the shower Tina, Kellie, Trisha, and I took Tina to a bar for a couple of drinks. It was such a blast. I definitely can't get enough time with my girlfriends. I'm lucky to have such good ones. Just wish I could have seen a couple more girlfriends that I missed this weekend.

We left Sunday night and 10 minutes into our drive we hit a huge pot hole. We saw a couple cars pulled over afterwards with blown tires. We were concerned so we kept checking our tire pressure gauge. It would go down then go back up. We got home thankfully. But the rim was bent pretty bad and was causing a slow leak. We had to order a new rim and that was $400. Price gouging is ridiculous. I'm just glad we were all ok.

Sunday night was also the start of Ava's fever. That was the only symptom she had but she was pretty miserable. Last night was the worst. She got up to 104 degrees. I gave her Tylenol then put her in a luke warm bath. But because she was so hot the bath felt cold to her. She screamed and cried. I felt so bad. But I dried her off and put her into bed with me. Today she woke up like nothing happened. The fever broke and I guess she's all better. Only now my throat hurts... story of my life. haha.

just me and the girls

Chris left for Talladega on Thursday. I spent the next few days after that entertaining them and spending some quality time with my girls. It feels like we're always on the go so it was nice to be alone with them for four days. On Saturday I took them shopping, then to lunch, and to a movie that night. We saw Coraline on base and they loved it. On Sunday I got Kaylee a new bike and I took the girls out to ride for a bit. Then we washed the car and as I vacuumed it out I let them go to town with the hose. Needless to say they were drenched by the time we went back in. I can't remember the last time I went into a weekend with no plans and just did whatever. Tomorrow Kaylee has a field trip to the Jump Zone. I'm so excited because I actually have a chance to chaperone. Chris has a night flight so he's on Ava-sitting duties while I go. The school year is coming to an end and I definitely can't wait!!